I've been a collector of wisdom for over 35 years; a sort of modern alchemist taking a bit of this and a bit of that and forging something new. My propensity for throwing myself headfirst into life has created more than one major life event where I've found myself face first in the middle of the road asking myself "WTH just happened?!". I've come to affectionately call them "The Great Upheavals".
A stubborn refusal to stay down always pushed me to look for meaning, purpose, and a way through to the other side by looking for answers in the guise of spirituality, world philosophies, psychology, and astrology. This determined exploration would ultimately get things turned around, and the events would lead to bigger and better things. Inevitably, there came a time in my life when I found myself face first in the arena of life (again!) and it was a doozy. As before, much of the wisdom I had collected and incorporated over the years was helpful, yet once again I needed more.
My quest for meaning and understanding set me on a new path of self-discovery, helping me reclaim the woman I forgot I was and define the woman I want to be.
Cheryl Kane, founder of The Wild-Hearted Way: spiritual practices for single women over 50.
To help wild-hearted women step fully into their nature by embracing their journey and cultivating loving self-acceptance to become the heroine in their story.
In my dream wild-hearted women no longer compare themselves to others or look back on their choices and see themselves as failures. They recognize their role as an inspiration for other women and in so doing shine brighter than before.
After yet another in a series of life events I have come to call "The Great Upheavals", I found myself in scary and unfamiliar territory. Through my healing journey I discovered the calling of my heart which led to the creation of The Wild-Hearted Way.
An excerpt from Under The Tree where we explored the connection between an idea of defeating age through the creativity we bring to our life, how getting creative with the ways we move through life can pulling us out of a rut, and how that can help us feel younger, more alive.
I did it. I broke the cycle of a narcissistic relationship. I gave up my home in exchange for a small trucking business and, alone, headed out for parts unknown. But I was finally free! And a complete mess.
The isolation of the being a truck driver was hard. During the day I shut down my emotions because I was afraid I'd end up in a ditch from driving with tears running down my face. At night, back in the bunk, I was afraid to let myself feel. There were too many emotions and the intensity of them felt like if I opened the gates, I'd drown in a flood of grief, anger, shame, & confusion (and that was just the top 4). I was afraid I'd end up emotionally paralyzed somewhere in the middle of nowhere USA, far from what I called home. I knew I had to find a way to move on, get him out of my system, and find my way back to myself. Not just reclaiming who I was, but getting to know who I was becoming.
One of the good things about being a truck driver is you have up to 11 hours a day to just sit and listen. I upped my audio book subscription and started searching for answers. Not just answers to explain what had happened, but answers to how to move on. What I found was that I had to change my perspective: of how I viewed not just the experiences of the past, but also how I viewed myself, my current situation, and how I experienced my emotions. I learned ways to get past the shame and self-loathing so I could allow myself to heal. I learned how to work with difficult emotions like anger and grief in ways that made them easier to experience and through them glean meaning and experience growth. And most importantly, I started finding my way back to myself. I was able to tap back in to my wisdom, my experience, and my truths, and use them to support my healing.
It took a year and a half before I started feeling whole again. Through a combination of eastern philosophies, Toltec wisdom, Warrior Goddess Training, psychological astrology, shamanic practices, and modern psychology, I managed to find my way back to myself. My journey continues, but it's on a deeper level now.